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The separation of a couple is always complicated and even more so when there are children involved. Children are often the most vulnerable in the family and therefore the ones who suffer the most from their parents' decision to separate. Although the separation is only between the couple, it is inevitable that the children are immersed in this decision. It will depend on the attitude and support of the parents to preserve the children from suffering.
José Manual Aguilar Cuenca, psychologist and author of theGuide to face the breakup of the couple without harming the children, advises parents to face the separation mature enough, in a peaceful and respectful way, assuming that the stability of their children depends largely on them.
1. Parents must help their children to understand that their life habits are going to change and that they will have to build their new routines. Children should get used to having one or the other, at different homes and on different occasions. The normality in the life of the parents causes normality in the life of the children.
2. It cannot be ignored that emotions are often mixed in the family when there is a separation from the couple. Parents should help their children understand what feelings such as insecurity, fear, or discouragement can appear and how they can control them. Parents need to channel their own feelings so that they can later help their children to do the same.
3. Parents should make it clear to their children that parents divorce, children do not.
4. Parents should avoid being carried away by negative feelings, derogatory comments towards their ex-partner. This can cause a lot of damage and discomfort to children, and can alter their behavior, diet or sleep.
5. Parents who after the separation are forced to assume tasks and responsibilities that they had never had before, and even financial limitations, must be aware that what their children need most is care, support, their presence, affection , love ... You have to accept and assume the new reality instead of brooding over what you will no longer be able to change. Children know how to read their parents' faces, silences and feelings.
6. Parents should talk to their children about their separation without giving too many explanations and without attributing guilt. The ability of your children to understand what is happening cannot be underestimated. The important thing is that children know that their parents will continue to be by their side and that they will be able to have them when they need it.
7. Children are not the therapy of the parents, not even the staff on which they lean. The more it costs parents to get over the breakup, the more it will cost their child to cope with it.
8. Parents should be aware of changes in their children's behavior. Observe if something has changed in their eating, sleeping, study habits. There is no reason to be alarmed. If the parents remain steadfast in their upbringing and care, everything will be back to normal in no time. You cannot overindulge on your children or let them do whatever they want.
9. Separation from parents is not the same for children under or over three years of age. It is difficult for the little ones to understand what happens between their parents. That is why it is very important to reiterate your presence and not feel incapable of serving them. From 3 to 7 years old, children already understand what separation is and can manifest their pain with stomachaches or headaches, tantrums, etc. From the age of seven to adolescence, children are often indignant, annoyed, and angry at the separation from their parents. Parents must stop these behaviors so that they do not become more severe, imposing their criteria and not disavowing each other.
10. Parents should avoid confrontations among themselves. Living in opposition forces one to hate and hatred does nothing for children. They should avoid exerting too much pressure on their children, preventing them, for example, from having any kind of relationship with their former partner's new partner or speaking ill of the other spouse.
If you want to know other guidelines on joint custody, the role of the family and grandparents in the face of a couple's divorce, etc., we recommend that you go directly to the GUIDE.
You can read more articles similar to Guide for the couple to separate without harming their children, in the category of Relationship of couple on site.